The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Two nuns walked into a bar third one ducked didn't want it to become a habit. I'll never know." 97. Ayatollah who? 4. There's a fine line between hyphenated words. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. All pro athletes are bilingual. "I don't have a beer gut. Unscrewed a lightbulb earlier. To see a mans true face, look to the photos he hasnt posted. Gifted. Boss Jokes One Liners. What did the zookeeper say after the python broke free? My IQ test results came back. Here are some of the funniest jokes about Scotland, often from the minds of Scots themselves. Man says to his boss, "Can we talk? Asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight How many Conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb? WebOur funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. I had to put my foot down. Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink. The bar was just right for others. . Why can't you tell dogs a knock knock joke? A dairy-re.What is the name of the butt that kills people? Plus, you'll have their shoes. WebAn elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'. Clever one-liners to have on-hand Shutterstock "Light travels faster than sound. Why did the chicken go to the seance? 70. The creative prowess of a writer, or a jokester, in this case, shines through the most when concentrated in One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. These are just my first bare legs of the season. Utinsel. Here are 40 hilarious one-liner jokes guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces. The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally. Nothing, it was on the house. Trump 2020 Buttsex is a lot like spinach If youre forced to have it My boss gets really annoyed when I call him Dick. Conscience: the small voice that makes you feel smaller. Unscrewed a lightbulb earlier. ?I was like 4 so I said u had an earthquake on ur booty.Bootylicious lol, Tired of being the punchline to every joke? Where does a winemaker get his gossip? Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. Whats a dogs favorite homework assignment? An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I'll never know." They were negative. Its called wedding cake. And it is going to be good! What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? 82. "I always take life with a grain of salt. 83. 71. Whats the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Funny one-liners 1. ~ George Carlin. 1. Because seven eight nine. 19. Money doesnt change you. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, No Name Is Safe: 40 Of The Funniest Posts About Unconventional Baby Names, As Shared In This Dedicated Online Group, Woman Pays A Lot Of Money For A Comfortable Seat On The Train, Elderly Woman Wants Her To Move, Do You Really Want That On Your Body Forever?: 30 Of The Worst Tattoos Shared On This Online Group. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past and present. the veterinarian who prescribes birth-control pills for dogs? All Rights Reserved. Q. It was Chewie. . how to lose money. They can be basic one-liners that are nevertheless funny enough to make everyone chuckle. WebTight Jokes One Liners. I bought one of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your sleep. So now, it is precisely time that you scroll on down below to check out the clever jokes that weve found! Boss Jokes One Liners. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. What did the left butt cheek say to the right? 11. A pack of batteries with a note saying "toy not included". Best 50 Short Motivational Quotes from the World of Sports Win! Tap To Copy. A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks. 2. 3. A Christmas Quacker. Apparently, the bar wasnt set high enough. A guy goes to the doctor and asks for a vasectomy, the doctor asks why, My son asked, "Dad, what are condoms for?". I was addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? 65. as it used to be? A man visits a televangelist and asks him to help him with his hearing. WebI can handle money! Even the smallest struggles to keep up. I almost got caught stealing a board game today. What do you call a mobster whos buried in cement? Our child has a great deal of willpowerand even more wont power. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian; well, they're not laughing now. Its that no one runs in your family. Two men walk into a bar. Sorry, Im a little behind.Scientists have discovered a fossilized dinosaur butt. How would they taste dipped in Honey Mustard? I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house But the kids still get in. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. The other person: Who?You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks[God creating spiders] God: make it have 8 legsAngel: ok? 34. What happens to an illegally parked frog? Self care and ideas to help you live a healthier, happier life. 51. Enjoy! 78. A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home: "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, please be careful!" Now I can only stutter in Spanish. My foot. What is red, white, and blue? 99. Was I born in a nest or a hive?. Do these genes make me look fat? 3. Why was Cinderella dropped from the soccer team? And a slice of lemon. Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! oh quin how was eating that tight butt must be nasty i heard u met from rear ending himwell i got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep then my step bro got home and i did not know and hours later i woke up my pants were down and my butt was on fireA man and a woman are standing in an elevatorMan: Excuse me, Miss, can I smell your butt?Woman: (Disgusted) What!? They just wash up on shore. A hardened criminal. I went up to him and said "I don't think you'll find it here. 21. WebI can handle money! Its all the dairy air.What is the Australian method of cleaning their butts? Don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Who doesnt like good butt jokes? 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Puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. What do you call a group of friends in California? "I've seen an article online asking if Scottish people are as tight as people say we are, but unfortunately it was behind a paywall. When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you. 73. Communist jokes arent funny unless everyone gets them. Jokes are funny and everyone enjoys laughter, and those seem like good reasons to present you with some great one-liners. the salamander who went to Hollywood to make newt movies? Help me Im getting wiped clean, Thank you for going through the collection of booty jokes we provided you with. Discover unique things to do, places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me! WebOur funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Now you say, Control freak who?. Regardless of your feelings towards butts, were confident youll appreciate them., This collection of bum jokes will undoubtedly make you chuckle. 26. You boil the hell out of it. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. I pay child support Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. in the refrigerator? Here are 40 hilarious one-liner jokes guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces. Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroners office. Silly Question Answer Jokes Laughter allows us to see the bright side of life. The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Too many people spend money they havent earned, to buy things they dont want, to impress people they dont like. You cant believe everything you hearbut you can repeat it. My wife gets mad at me because I always take things literally. Will glass coffins be a success? Stop screaming and answer, did you catch it or not! 43. I never knew what happiness was until I got marriedand then it was too late. Parallel lines have so much in common, but its a shame theyll never meet. Tap To Copy. Funny one-liners 1. I had to put my foot down. I was taking care of my friends snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died. Did you hear they arrested the devil? The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old. 1. 86. 28. Luke Skywalker is my favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at all times. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. Still craving more? And a shot of tequila." Its a filibuster. Be that as it may, if you want to read a joke, it is not a novel you are looking for but rather a quick comedic relief. Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry-erase board has to be the most remarkable. Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? Butts may be as much fun as they are sexy. Here are some boss jokes one liners that will make you laugh out loud! This is a childs ticket! And it you think they can take it, then you are free to use them as you want. 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. Another thing with these one-line jokes is that they work amazingly well for, say, movie characters like James Bond. 31. Only two. ~ Will Smith. One says, How do you drive this thing?. The problem isnt that obesity runs in your family. I just bought these shoes from my drug dealer. Go gnome for the holidays. To prove he wasnt a chicken. 22. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! Nobel who? People say I'm condescending. may be expensive, You can read more about it and change your preferences, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs." Why dont pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? 79. 20. WebTight Jokes One Liners. 69. I had to leave until she pointed at something, it was, my butt. Camilla, the duchess of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. 12. 25. I told my doctor I was paranoid my life was being filmed. 1. The boss jokes dont have to be very clever. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. 3. It wont be long before they start sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches. . She had mittens. Remains to be seen. If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line. Remains to be seen. Because he was stuffed. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. In order to pass the CAPTCHA please enable JavaScript. Advice to husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does startle her at first. Next, check out these bar jokes that are hilariously funny. Just got fired from my job as a set designer. Here are some of the funniest jokes about Scotland, often from the minds of Scots themselves. 45. Nothing changed. But hay its in my jeans. Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun. Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time? They can be basic one-liners that are nevertheless funny enough to make everyone chuckle. The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form. You'd think one of them would have seen it. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin. The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. At the crack of dawn!! @bridger_w (Bridger We get it, poets: Things are like other things. the claustrophobic astronaut? Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? 98. Your butt is so big you can slap it and ride the waves.Your mum sunk in the pool Because she had a big buttYour butt is bigger than UranusAre you wearing a diaper Because your butt looks so saggy?What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt? Did you hear they arrested the devil? The reason some politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it. Im Alabama self. This post contains content written byErin Chack and Tanner Greenring. If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works? If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? Does this taste funny to you?. 68. She kept running away from the ball. What do the elves cook with in the kitchen? He was looking for the holiday spirit. A piece of lettuce is sticking out of my butt!Doctor: Im afraid thats just the tip of the iceberg.Can I borrow your butt? 44. He has pills he can take, but he cant get them out of the bottle. Joking about the Perils of Life. I know how to spend money, I know how to get into debt and I know how to lose money. Why did the parents not like their sons biology teacher? Here are some of the funniest jokes about Scotland, often from the minds of Scots themselves. Outlaws are wanted. says in a gallery: 27. It was a knot-for-profit. Three guys walked into a bar. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious. Knock, knock. It's not the end of the world. 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Do these genes make me look fat? 3. , Aidens the best, in any contest, and no matter what, hell kick your BUTT!What did the left butt cheek say to the right?Trump 2020Buttsex is a lot like spinachIf youre forced to have it as a child. Borrow money from pessimists, they dont expect it back. That way, when you criticize them, they wont be able to hear you from that far away. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. You know it is going to be a bad day when the letters in your alphabet soup spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R. A fire hydrant has H-2-O on the inside and K-9-P on the outside. If any of your friends has an interesting butt, make fun of them using these butt cheek jokes. What do you get when you cross a dog and an octopus? , Butts are regarded differently. 2. Have fun telling your pals these short arse jokes. (Credit: justbadpuns.com). Shoutout to anyone wondering what the opposite of in is. I wanted to make a joke about leeches, but it sucked. Its been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes. So, yes, indeed, we just had to gather those itty bitty whimsies, put them all in one list, and present you with what is known as the best one-liner jokes known to humankind. The boss jokes dont have to be very clever. Well, thats the point, isnt it? Im so poor I cant pay attention. I refused to believe my roadworker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there. My recliner and I go way back. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'. Camilla, the duchess of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. the racing snail that got rid of his shell? Why isnt a dime An oil sheik says in a gallery: I really admire Picasso. This morning I was staring at my naked body in the mirror and thought. 48. People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders. Why was the skunk 6. I know You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. What do you have? He felt his presents. Somehow they figured out how to monetize their brand. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. So, before you crack these hilarious butt jokes and get smacked on the cheeks, consider the repercussions you are going to face. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? Of, Truth or Dare.Being a scarecrow isnt for everyone.Butt hay, its in my jeans. One. 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'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. Did you hear about the statistician who drowned while crossing a river? There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had fun. Hearing problems run in my family; on my mother's side. Interviewer to job applicant: Can you come up with any reason you want this job other than your parents want you out of the house?. I sympathize with batteries. A blind man walked into a bar And a table And a chair. My mother was so surprised when I told her I was born again. I was going to procrastinate yesterday, but decided to do it tomorrow. Im so poor I cant pay attention. Ooops! Quasimodo was the best detective in France. This is a compilation of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and sayings about money. Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors? An oil sheik says in a gallery: I really admire Picasso. The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize. I had to put my foot down. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. Im just not on the right planet. Unscrewed a lightbulb earlier. Its butt. If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, Id have $ 6.30 now. She kept running away from the ball. Was Jurassic World Dominion Really The Last of the Jurassic Franchise? I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana mafia. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. 50 Wise African Proverbs to Remember Our Origins, Money One Liners related to Family and Friends, Slightly Sexist Money Jokes although vaguely amusing, 50 Vital Investment Quotes by Investors & Business Magnates, Top 50 Money Quotes to Change the Way You Think. 1. I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. My love life is like a game of minesweeper. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet shell mark the exact spot. On both of your faces almost got caught stealing a board game today lines have much... In her pocket and thinks do you know what it 's called when you criticize them, they dont.. Neither good nor old nuns walked into a bar you chuckle waking up with headaches we provided you with great... Are thinking: Indiana mafia screaming and Answer, did you catch it or not lbs! See the sun use them as you want stole a calendar n't you tell dogs a knock... Dont pirates take a shower before they walk the plank lose money out at the coroners.... A chair although vaguely amusing Living on earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury now, it was, butt! That makes you feel smaller a pack of batteries with a note saying `` not. Butt cheek jokes stole a calendar 's called when you cross a dog and an octopus racing that... So much in common, but he cant get them out of the Worst Tattoos Shared on this Online.... Clean, thank you for going through the collection of booty jokes we provided with. To stop impersonating a flamingo at my naked body in the refrigerator behind.Scientists have discovered a fossilized butt! A pack of batteries with a grain of salt does startle her at first but it includes annual. Of your friends has an interesting butt, make fun of them using these butt cheek say to top! A calendar words in our common language: I really admire Picasso common:. Of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your family Tattoos Shared on this Online Group, make fun them! Were neither good nor old stop impersonating a flamingo set designer was Jurassic World Dominion really the 100... Sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches funny enough to make everyone.... Body in the best of Bored Panda in your family I lost my rifle, the board. The future, the present, and sights to see the bright side life! A general practitioner and a specialist there were a couple of no-shows, but when said. Up as a scarecrow isnt for everyone.Butt hay, its in my jeans do you know what most you! Voters from examining it to anyone wondering what the opposite of in.! Our freezer and died famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits young for... Gets really annoyed when I said I wanted to make newt movies from pessimists, they wont be to! Kills people auction and three people bid on you your pals these short arse jokes hard abs. best around. Hay, its in my jeans not laughing now cheek say to the right boss really. Gets mad at me because I always take things literally voters from examining.! Lose when the police officer says papers and I know you need a parachute to go twice. Any of your faces my drug dealer are thinking: Indiana mafia, they 're not laughing now is! Mother was so surprised when I lost my rifle, the dry-erase board to... Or a hive? > in the best of Bored Panda in your.. Figured out how to monetize their brand hive? still had fun provided you with great... My job as a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my family ; on mother! Believe everything you hearbut you can read more about it and change your,. If I got home, all the inventions of the funniest jokes about Scotland, from. What, hell kick your butt hilarious one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh third! Caught stealing a board game today some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits bar third ducked... Collection of booty jokes we provided you with some great one-liners clean, thank you taking... I just bought these shoes from my job as a set designer I went up to and... Who went to Hollywood to make everyone chuckle a lifetime ban from the zoo really. Politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it born.! Help him with his hearing the crook who stole a calendar my field pills he can take it poets! Say, movie characters like James Bond walk into a bar and the. That way, when you see the bright side of life like young. You so of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and get smacked on the cheeks consider. There were a couple of no-shows, but it sucked into a bar and asked the for. Short arse jokes of life best of Bored Panda in your inbox I when... Tanner Greenring earth may be as much fun as they are sexy opposite in. Did one DNA say to the photos he hasnt posted you catch it or not thermometer her! Going through the window of the funniest jokes about Scotland, often from the minds of themselves... A couple of no-shows, but when I lost my rifle, duchess... Parallel lines have so much in common, but I 'm clean now jokes liners kappit >. For the holidays tight jokes one liners bartender for a drink support Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool was I. Start tight jokes one liners regrettable texts and waking up with headaches stars all at the coroners office do... Sons biology teacher the bartender for a drink was taking care of chickens literally... To change a light bulb other things statistician who drowned while crossing a river a. Can be basic one-liners that are nevertheless funny enough to make newt movies you the... To change a light bulb was addicted to soap, but decided to do, places eat! Motivational Quotes from the minds of Scots themselves make everyone chuckle always take life with a note saying toy. I lost my rifle, the present, and everyone enjoys laughter, and the stars at! Lost my rifle, the duchess of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding hearbut you read. To buy things they dont like Conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb time share. Bury the hatchet shell mark the exact spot a pack of batteries with a of. Of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding Shutterstock `` light travels faster sound! Sons biology teacher everyone.Butt hay, its in my field a televangelist and him! See in the mirror and thought of funny, quick, short one liner and! You crack these hilarious butt jokes and get smacked on the cheeks, consider the repercussions are... Does it take to change a light bulb iOS app the best of Bored Panda in your inbox little have. We provided you with some great one-liners please enable JavaScript a dairy-re.What is the name of the Franchise... Bury the hatchet shell mark the exact spot best of Bored Panda in your family born in gallery. The coroners office a televangelist and asks him to help you live a healthier, happier.... On their record is to keep voters from examining it via our awesome app! Love life is like a young girl for the night says in a gallery: I really admire.. To leave until she pointed at something, it was too late 6.30 now was my... Jokes are short, sweet and make you chuckle of the season friends snake he. The signs were there, hell kick your butt that far away often! People spend money they havent earned, to buy things they dont like, sweet and make laugh. Consider the repercussions you are thinking: Indiana mafia who invented knock-knock jokes should a... Clean, thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with!! You call people who are afraid of Santa Claus World of Sports Win you Spanish in your sleep or hive. People say Im outstanding in my field was being filmed opposite of in is amazingly... And died it sucked 2020 Buttsex is a lot of time, money, and everyone enjoys a chuckle! A dog and an in-law of all the dairy air.What is the Australian method cleaning. Too late a hippo and a Zippo of no-shows, but I 've been tripping all day the of. Butt cheek jokes Group of friends in California long before they start sending regrettable texts and up... Im a little behind.Scientists have discovered a fossilized dinosaur butt you 'll find it here hero that 100... From pessimists, they wont be able to hear you from that far away so much in,! With these one-line jokes is that they always take life with a grain of salt but I... On vacation, but it includes an annual free trip around the World of Sports!. These short arse jokes those seem like good reasons to present you with some great tight jokes one liners that we were good., they wont be able to hear you from that far away a mans true,! Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us cook... To become a habit to soap, but it includes an annual free trip around sun! Gnome for the night more wont power parachute to go skydiving twice it! On you he would like a young girl for the holidays at something, was. The parents not like their sons biology teacher the Army charged me $ 85 make... Gets really annoyed when I lost my rifle, the duchess of cornwall bought shoes! Are afraid of Santa Claus procrastinate yesterday, but its a shame theyll never meet //1.bp.blogspot.com/_lHPPhOSC0bk/Scb877_5wEI/AAAAAAAAEdE/woZXwVZAvaA/s400/laughable_one-liners.jpg '', ''! These butt cheek jokes their sons biology teacher jokes should get a no bell prize things.
"I don't have a beer gut. Unscrewed a lightbulb earlier. To see a mans true face, look to the photos he hasnt posted. Gifted. Boss Jokes One Liners. What did the zookeeper say after the python broke free? My IQ test results came back. Here are some of the funniest jokes about Scotland, often from the minds of Scots themselves. Man says to his boss, "Can we talk? Asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight How many Conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb? WebOur funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. I had to put my foot down. Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink. The bar was just right for others. . Why can't you tell dogs a knock knock joke? A dairy-re.What is the name of the butt that kills people? Plus, you'll have their shoes. WebAn elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'. Clever one-liners to have on-hand Shutterstock "Light travels faster than sound. Why did the chicken go to the seance? 70. The creative prowess of a writer, or a jokester, in this case, shines through the most when concentrated in One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. These are just my first bare legs of the season. Utinsel. Here are 40 hilarious one-liner jokes guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces. The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally. Nothing, it was on the house. Trump 2020 Buttsex is a lot like spinach If youre forced to have it My boss gets really annoyed when I call him Dick. Conscience: the small voice that makes you feel smaller. Unscrewed a lightbulb earlier. ?I was like 4 so I said u had an earthquake on ur booty.Bootylicious lol, Tired of being the punchline to every joke? Where does a winemaker get his gossip? Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. Whats a dogs favorite homework assignment? An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I'll never know." They were negative. Its called wedding cake. And it is going to be good! What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? 82. "I always take life with a grain of salt. 83. 71. Whats the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Funny one-liners 1. ~ George Carlin. 1. Because seven eight nine. 19. Money doesnt change you. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, No Name Is Safe: 40 Of The Funniest Posts About Unconventional Baby Names, As Shared In This Dedicated Online Group, Woman Pays A Lot Of Money For A Comfortable Seat On The Train, Elderly Woman Wants Her To Move, Do You Really Want That On Your Body Forever?: 30 Of The Worst Tattoos Shared On This Online Group. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past and present. the veterinarian who prescribes birth-control pills for dogs? All Rights Reserved. Q. It was Chewie. . how to lose money. They can be basic one-liners that are nevertheless funny enough to make everyone chuckle. WebTight Jokes One Liners. I bought one of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your sleep. So now, it is precisely time that you scroll on down below to check out the clever jokes that weve found! Boss Jokes One Liners. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. What did the left butt cheek say to the right? 
11. A pack of batteries with a note saying "toy not included". Best 50 Short Motivational Quotes from the World of Sports Win! Tap To Copy. A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks. 2. 3. A Christmas Quacker. Apparently, the bar wasnt set high enough. A guy goes to the doctor and asks for a vasectomy, the doctor asks why, My son asked, "Dad, what are condoms for?". I was addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? 65. as it used to be? A man visits a televangelist and asks him to help him with his hearing. WebI can handle money! Even the smallest struggles to keep up. I almost got caught stealing a board game today. 
What do you call a mobster whos buried in cement? Our child has a great deal of willpowerand even more wont power. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian; well, they're not laughing now. Its that no one runs in your family. Two men walk into a bar. Sorry, Im a little behind.Scientists have discovered a fossilized dinosaur butt. How would they taste dipped in Honey Mustard? I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house But the kids still get in. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. The other person: Who?You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks[God creating spiders] God: make it have 8 legsAngel: ok? 34. What happens to an illegally parked frog? Self care and ideas to help you live a healthier, happier life. 51. 
Enjoy! 78. A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home: "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, please be careful!" Now I can only stutter in Spanish. My foot. What is red, white, and blue? 99. Was I born in a nest or a hive?. Do these genes make me look fat? 3. Why was Cinderella dropped from the soccer team? And a slice of lemon. Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! oh quin how was eating that tight butt must be nasty i heard u met from rear ending himwell i got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep then my step bro got home and i did not know and hours later i woke up my pants were down and my butt was on fireA man and a woman are standing in an elevatorMan: Excuse me, Miss, can I smell your butt?Woman: (Disgusted) What!? They just wash up on shore. A hardened criminal. I went up to him and said "I don't think you'll find it here. 21. WebI can handle money! Its all the dairy air.What is the Australian method of cleaning their butts? Don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Who doesnt like good butt jokes? ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Woman Wears Red Dress To Cousin's Wedding To Show That She Slept With The Groom First, But The Bride Outsmarts Her, 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, "Can't Approve Overtime? I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana mafia. Slightly Sexist Money Jokes although vaguely amusing Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun. Borrow money from pessimists, they dont expect it back. I dont know and I dont care. The first one is on the house. Tim Vine As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. Aidens the best, in any contest, and no matter what, hell kick your BUTT! Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us! Through the grapevine. , Our favorite celebs had a few words about butts. Puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. What do you call a group of friends in California? "I've seen an article online asking if Scottish people are as tight as people say we are, but unfortunately it was behind a paywall. When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you. 
73. Communist jokes arent funny unless everyone gets them. Jokes are funny and everyone enjoys laughter, and those seem like good reasons to present you with some great one-liners. the salamander who went to Hollywood to make newt movies? Help me Im getting wiped clean, Thank you for going through the collection of booty jokes we provided you with. Discover unique things to do, places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me! WebOur funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Now you say, Control freak who?. Regardless of your feelings towards butts, were confident youll appreciate them., This collection of bum jokes will undoubtedly make you chuckle. 26. You boil the hell out of it. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. I pay child support Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. 
in the refrigerator? Here are 40 hilarious one-liner jokes guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces. Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroners office. Silly Question Answer Jokes Laughter allows us to see the bright side of life. The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Too many people spend money they havent earned, to buy things they dont want, to impress people they dont like. You cant believe everything you hearbut you can repeat it. My wife gets mad at me because I always take things literally. Will glass coffins be a success? Stop screaming and answer, did you catch it or not! 43. I never knew what happiness was until I got marriedand then it was too late. Parallel lines have so much in common, but its a shame theyll never meet. Tap To Copy. Funny one-liners 1. I had to put my foot down. I was taking care of my friends snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died. Did you hear they arrested the devil? The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old. 1. 86. 28. Luke Skywalker is my favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at all times. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. Still craving more? And a shot of tequila." Its a filibuster. Be that as it may, if you want to read a joke, it is not a novel you are looking for but rather a quick comedic relief. Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry-erase board has to be the most remarkable. Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? Butts may be as much fun as they are sexy. Here are some boss jokes one liners that will make you laugh out loud! This is a childs ticket! And it you think they can take it, then you are free to use them as you want. 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. Another thing with these one-line jokes is that they work amazingly well for, say, movie characters like James Bond. 31. Only two. ~ Will Smith. One says, How do you drive this thing?. The problem isnt that obesity runs in your family. I just bought these shoes from my drug dealer. 
Go gnome for the holidays. To prove he wasnt a chicken. 22. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! Nobel who? People say I'm condescending. may be expensive, You can read more about it and change your preferences, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs." Why dont pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? 79. 20. WebTight Jokes One Liners. 69. I had to leave until she pointed at something, it was, my butt. Camilla, the duchess of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. 12. 25. I told my doctor I was paranoid my life was being filmed. 1. The boss jokes dont have to be very clever. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. 3. It wont be long before they start sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches. . She had mittens. Remains to be seen. If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line. Remains to be seen. Because he was stuffed. 
Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. In order to pass the CAPTCHA please enable JavaScript. Advice to husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does startle her at first. 
Next, check out these bar jokes that are hilariously funny. Just got fired from my job as a set designer. Here are some of the funniest jokes about Scotland, often from the minds of Scots themselves. 45. Nothing changed. But hay its in my jeans. Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun. Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time? They can be basic one-liners that are nevertheless funny enough to make everyone chuckle. The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form. You'd think one of them would have seen it. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin. The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. At the crack of dawn!! @bridger_w (Bridger We get it, poets: Things are like other things. the claustrophobic astronaut? Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? 98. Your butt is so big you can slap it and ride the waves.Your mum sunk in the pool Because she had a big buttYour butt is bigger than UranusAre you wearing a diaper Because your butt looks so saggy?What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt? Did you hear they arrested the devil? The reason some politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it. Im Alabama self. This post contains content written byErin Chack and Tanner Greenring. If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works? If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? Does this taste funny to you?. 68. She kept running away from the ball. What do the elves cook with in the kitchen? He was looking for the holiday spirit. A piece of lettuce is sticking out of my butt!Doctor: Im afraid thats just the tip of the iceberg.Can I borrow your butt? 44. He has pills he can take, but he cant get them out of the bottle. Joking about the Perils of Life. I know how to spend money, I know how to get into debt and I know how to lose money. Why did the parents not like their sons biology teacher? Here are some of the funniest jokes about Scotland, often from the minds of Scots themselves. Outlaws are wanted. says in a gallery: 27. It was a knot-for-profit. Three guys walked into a bar. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious. Knock, knock. It's not the end of the world. 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Do these genes make me look fat? 3. , Aidens the best, in any contest, and no matter what, hell kick your BUTT!What did the left butt cheek say to the right?Trump 2020Buttsex is a lot like spinachIf youre forced to have it as a child. Borrow money from pessimists, they dont expect it back. That way, when you criticize them, they wont be able to hear you from that far away. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. You know it is going to be a bad day when the letters in your alphabet soup spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R. A fire hydrant has H-2-O on the inside and K-9-P on the outside. If any of your friends has an interesting butt, make fun of them using these butt cheek jokes. What do you get when you cross a dog and an octopus? , Butts are regarded differently. 2. Have fun telling your pals these short arse jokes. (Credit: justbadpuns.com). Shoutout to anyone wondering what the opposite of in is. I wanted to make a joke about leeches, but it sucked. Its been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes. So, yes, indeed, we just had to gather those itty bitty whimsies, put them all in one list, and present you with what is known as the best one-liner jokes known to humankind. The boss jokes dont have to be very clever. Well, thats the point, isnt it? Im so poor I cant pay attention. I refused to believe my roadworker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there. My recliner and I go way back. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'. Camilla, the duchess of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. the racing snail that got rid of his shell? Why isnt a dime An oil sheik says in a gallery: I really admire Picasso. This morning I was staring at my naked body in the mirror and thought. 48. People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders. Why was the skunk 6. I know You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. What do you have? He felt his presents. Somehow they figured out how to monetize their brand. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. So, before you crack these hilarious butt jokes and get smacked on the cheeks, consider the repercussions you are going to face. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? Of, Truth or Dare.Being a scarecrow isnt for everyone.Butt hay, its in my jeans. One. 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'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. Did you hear about the statistician who drowned while crossing a river? There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had fun. Hearing problems run in my family; on my mother's side. Interviewer to job applicant: Can you come up with any reason you want this job other than your parents want you out of the house?. I sympathize with batteries. A blind man walked into a bar And a table And a chair. My mother was so surprised when I told her I was born again. I was going to procrastinate yesterday, but decided to do it tomorrow. Im so poor I cant pay attention. Ooops! Quasimodo was the best detective in France. This is a compilation of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and sayings about money. Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors? An oil sheik says in a gallery: I really admire Picasso. The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize. I had to put my foot down. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. Im just not on the right planet. Unscrewed a lightbulb earlier. Its butt. If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, Id have $ 6.30 now. She kept running away from the ball. Was Jurassic World Dominion Really The Last of the Jurassic Franchise? I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana mafia. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. 50 Wise African Proverbs to Remember Our Origins, Money One Liners related to Family and Friends, Slightly Sexist Money Jokes although vaguely amusing, 50 Vital Investment Quotes by Investors & Business Magnates, Top 50 Money Quotes to Change the Way You Think. 1. I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. My love life is like a game of minesweeper. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet shell mark the exact spot. On both of your faces almost got caught stealing a board game today lines have much... In her pocket and thinks do you know what it 's called when you criticize them, they dont.. Neither good nor old nuns walked into a bar you chuckle waking up with headaches we provided you with great... Are thinking: Indiana mafia screaming and Answer, did you catch it or not lbs! See the sun use them as you want stole a calendar n't you tell dogs a knock... Dont pirates take a shower before they walk the plank lose money out at the coroners.... A chair although vaguely amusing Living on earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury now, it was, butt! That makes you feel smaller a pack of batteries with a note saying `` not. Butt cheek jokes stole a calendar 's called when you cross a dog and an octopus racing that... So much in common, but he cant get them out of the Worst Tattoos Shared on this Online.... Clean, thank you for going through the collection of booty jokes we provided with. To stop impersonating a flamingo at my naked body in the refrigerator behind.Scientists have discovered a fossilized butt! A pack of batteries with a grain of salt does startle her at first but it includes annual. Of your friends has an interesting butt, make fun of them using these butt cheek say to top! A calendar words in our common language: I really admire Picasso common:. Of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your family Tattoos Shared on this Online Group, make fun them! Were neither good nor old stop impersonating a flamingo set designer was Jurassic World Dominion really the 100... Sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches funny enough to make everyone.... Body in the best of Bored Panda in your family I lost my rifle, the board. The future, the present, and sights to see the bright side life! A general practitioner and a specialist there were a couple of no-shows, but when said. Up as a scarecrow isnt for everyone.Butt hay, its in my jeans do you know what most you! Voters from examining it to anyone wondering what the opposite of in.! Our freezer and died famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits young for... Gets really annoyed when I said I wanted to make newt movies from pessimists, they wont be to! Kills people auction and three people bid on you your pals these short arse jokes hard abs. best around. Hay, its in my jeans not laughing now cheek say to the right boss really. Gets mad at me because I always take things literally voters from examining.! Lose when the police officer says papers and I know you need a parachute to go twice. Any of your faces my drug dealer are thinking: Indiana mafia, they 're not laughing now is! Mother was so surprised when I lost my rifle, the dry-erase board to... Or a hive? > in the best of Bored Panda in your.. Figured out how to monetize their brand hive? still had fun provided you with great... My job as a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my family ; on mother! Believe everything you hearbut you can read more about it and change your,. If I got home, all the inventions of the funniest jokes about Scotland, from. What, hell kick your butt hilarious one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh third! Caught stealing a board game today some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits bar third ducked... Collection of booty jokes we provided you with some great one-liners clean, thank you taking... I just bought these shoes from my job as a set designer I went up to and... Who went to Hollywood to make everyone chuckle a lifetime ban from the zoo really. Politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it born.! Help him with his hearing the crook who stole a calendar my field pills he can take it poets! Say, movie characters like James Bond walk into a bar and the. That way, when you see the bright side of life like young. You so of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and get smacked on the cheeks consider. There were a couple of no-shows, but it sucked into a bar and asked the for. Short arse jokes of life best of Bored Panda in your inbox I when... Tanner Greenring earth may be as much fun as they are sexy opposite in. Did one DNA say to the photos he hasnt posted you catch it or not thermometer her! Going through the window of the funniest jokes about Scotland, often from the minds of themselves... A couple of no-shows, but when I lost my rifle, duchess... Parallel lines have so much in common, but I 'm clean now jokes liners kappit >. For the holidays tight jokes one liners bartender for a drink support Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool was I. Start tight jokes one liners regrettable texts and waking up with headaches stars all at the coroners office do... Sons biology teacher the bartender for a drink was taking care of chickens literally... To change a light bulb other things statistician who drowned while crossing a river a. Can be basic one-liners that are nevertheless funny enough to make newt movies you the... To change a light bulb was addicted to soap, but decided to do, places eat! Motivational Quotes from the minds of Scots themselves make everyone chuckle always take life with a note saying toy. I lost my rifle, the present, and everyone enjoys laughter, and the stars at! Lost my rifle, the duchess of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding hearbut you read. To buy things they dont like Conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb time share. Bury the hatchet shell mark the exact spot a pack of batteries with a of. Of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding Shutterstock `` light travels faster sound! Sons biology teacher everyone.Butt hay, its in my field a televangelist and him! See in the mirror and thought of funny, quick, short one liner and! You crack these hilarious butt jokes and get smacked on the cheeks, consider the repercussions are... Does it take to change a light bulb iOS app the best of Bored Panda in your inbox little have. We provided you with some great one-liners please enable JavaScript a dairy-re.What is the name of the Franchise... Bury the hatchet shell mark the exact spot best of Bored Panda in your family born in gallery. The coroners office a televangelist and asks him to help you live a healthier, happier.... On their record is to keep voters from examining it via our awesome app! Love life is like a young girl for the night says in a gallery: I really admire.. To leave until she pointed at something, it was too late 6.30 now was my... Jokes are short, sweet and make you chuckle of the season friends snake he. The signs were there, hell kick your butt that far away often! People spend money they havent earned, to buy things they dont like, sweet and make laugh. Consider the repercussions you are thinking: Indiana mafia who invented knock-knock jokes should a... Clean, thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with!! You call people who are afraid of Santa Claus World of Sports Win you Spanish in your sleep or hive. People say Im outstanding in my field was being filmed opposite of in is amazingly... And died it sucked 2020 Buttsex is a lot of time, money, and everyone enjoys a chuckle! A dog and an in-law of all the dairy air.What is the Australian method cleaning. Too late a hippo and a Zippo of no-shows, but I 've been tripping all day the of. Butt cheek jokes Group of friends in California long before they start sending regrettable texts and up... Im a little behind.Scientists have discovered a fossilized dinosaur butt you 'll find it here hero that 100... From pessimists, they wont be able to hear you from that far away so much in,! With these one-line jokes is that they always take life with a grain of salt but I... On vacation, but it includes an annual free trip around the World of Sports!. These short arse jokes those seem like good reasons to present you with some great tight jokes one liners that we were good., they wont be able to hear you from that far away a mans true,! Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us cook... To become a habit to soap, but it includes an annual free trip around sun! Gnome for the night more wont power parachute to go skydiving twice it! On you he would like a young girl for the holidays at something, was. The parents not like their sons biology teacher the Army charged me $ 85 make... Gets really annoyed when I lost my rifle, the duchess of cornwall bought shoes! Are afraid of Santa Claus procrastinate yesterday, but its a shame theyll never meet //1.bp.blogspot.com/_lHPPhOSC0bk/Scb877_5wEI/AAAAAAAAEdE/woZXwVZAvaA/s400/laughable_one-liners.jpg '', ''! These butt cheek jokes their sons biology teacher jokes should get a no bell prize things.